The envelope sat unopened on the kitchen island. For days its intended recipient walked past it never once stopping to examine the contents of the envelope. They knew it was there but chose to ignore it. The contents really were no mystery. The bright pink invoice in the envelope’s window announced to everyone what was inside. It was another reminder of a debt that was owed.

Finally after several days of watching the envelope stay unopened I could take it no longer. I stopped the person that the envelope had come for and told them to open it. In frustration they did and threw it back on the counter. “What am I suppose to do with this? I can’t pay it.” I felt their frustration but knew from experience that this wasn’t going away. In my ears I could hear these wise words spoken to me as a young man and repeated them “Just because you don’t open the envelope doesn’t mean you don’t owe the debt. You’re never going to get past this until you face the problem and start working your way out of it.”

Since the Garden of Eden man has always chose the path of hiding. The cry of God’s voice ringing through the garden, “Adam where are you?” can arguably be called the start of mankind’s journey of not owning up to what he’s done. The path of least resistance always winds its way through denial. If I ignore it…it will eventually go away.

I have met a few people along the way that just get it. They never see a mountain that is so high that they immediately look for the path of denial and least resistance, hoping that when they look back over their shoulder it will all be a bad dream and everything is better. I wish I could count myself as one of these types of people but I admit I fall more into the procrastinators’ camp and I bear the scars to prove it.

One of the benefits of aging is gaining a bit of perspective and hopefully wisdom.  Age has taught me this valuable lesson-the nature of problems is that if ignored they don’t go away…they just get bigger and eventually will have to be faced.

Is this some new profound revelation that I’ve discovered?  Have I unearthed the secrets to the mystery of life?  No… this is just simple common sense that most of us have heard a thousand times.  Unfortunately it is also this simple truth that will challenge most of us through our adult years; causing molehills to turn into mountains and problems that could have been overcome with a little effort to become anchors that hold us down and deny us access to God’s best plans for our lives.

Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.
Christopher Parker

Every day we chose to not face a situation that needs our immediate attention compounds the interest on a bill that will eventually require repayment.  When we make the choice to disengage instead of engage, life doesn’t stop.  It continues to march forward dragging all of our unresolved problems from one place in life to the next.  Unresolved issues don’t go away, they just become stumbling blocks between you and your destiny.

Why do we procrastinate? I think the major reason is that we are afraid. Maybe it’s the fear of facing a mess of our own making and the regret that comes from knowing you can’t go back and do something over.  You can only go forward and own your problem and deal with it.  So we default to living in denial.  We think that what we don’t know, won’t hurt us, but sadly it always will.  Ignorance is bliss is not a life plan it’s just ignorance.

Years ago my wife offered me a piece of advice that has helped me to tackle many of my problems.  She told me that I had to change the way I viewed my mountains. I was always looking at the top of the mountain wondering how I would ever climb it.  Because it seemed impossible I would get discouraged and quit.  She told me to stop looking at the top and just look for the next step.  No mountain would ever be climbed in leaps but by walking step by step the summit would grow closer and eventually reachable.

Those words have done more to help me fight my way out of trouble than anything else I have ever tried.  I can’t count the times that I have faced insurmountable opposition and challenges that seemed to spell the end of my dreams.  It’s in those moments I have learned to circle the simple promises of God more than any other time. He will give me nothing more than I can handle…no weapon formed against me shall prosper…I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength. The strength found in those promises has given me the determination to open my eyes to what needs to be done and it has always been to find the first step and the next will be waiting.

Sometimes the first step is to just open the envelope.  Find out where you are. You can’t develop a plan without knowing where you stand.  God has promised to not leave us alone.  He has promised to help us if we call out to Him in our times of trouble.  Admitting you’re in trouble is seen as weakness by some but in God’s eyes it is the first step to a miracle.

Staying under your rock may seem like the ideal answer to your problems.  The rain can’t hit you if your head is covered.  The problem with having your head covered is you might miss the moment that the sun comes back out looking to bring life to your impossible moment.  Engage my friend.  Defeat the little foxes of procrastination that seek to destroy your destiny.  The start of every miracle is the first step you take to not only face but to climb your mountain

Romans 8:27 - 28 (NLT) ²⁷And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. ²⁸And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

My wife and I were recently talking over a very personal matter that had been causing us much distress and many anxious moments. We have prayed about it, fasted, quoted scriptures over it, asked for counsel and yet have seen the situation become more stressful as conditions have deteriorated.

One morning recently I received a 911 text from my wife saying that she was feeling very overwhelmed and defeated as she dealt again with the turbulence of this situation. Several minutes later another text arrived and this one probably more than any caused me to stop and take a deep breath. It simply asked this question. “Phil,where is God?”

Phil…Where is God? Not exactly any easy question to answer. No amount of time reading the Bible or even hours of prayer quite prepares you for the moment in your life when you find yourself asking the heart wrenching question of God…where are You? Yet it is in this crisis of faith moment, more than any other, which will determine the outcome of the storm you’re in.

Many times I find that people struggle with being honest when confronted with coming to the end of their emotional and spiritual rope. Christianity has filled its members with a cliché to cover every situation. It then preaches faith in such ways that condemnation is the only recourse for those fighting to hang on to even a microscopic remnant of hope. It is unfortunate that this has become our norm as I believe that we miss one of God’s great truths. That He is never closer than the moment when we cry out…where are you God?

Recently I have heard God called the Grand Weaver. This may be one of the best descriptions of God I have ever heard. Our lives are this complex tapestry with so many fibers and colors interwoven together all coming together to form the Divine plan yet often that plan is as confusing as a strand of DNA to the untrained eye. The great mystery is how God uses the events of our lives to shape us. Not just the good but also the bad.

Paul would write that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. F ew scriptures require more faith to walk out than this one. How can a loving God allow us to experience such turmoil and call it part of the plan? If you’re looking for this writer to provide an answer I can’t. I can say with the experience of having lived almost half a century that the majority of my greatest times of growth have usually come from hard places in life not the easy ones.

I’ve learned more about praying in faith after the death of loved ones than from those who were healed. I’ve learned more about standing strong in my convictions from the attacks of those who disagree with me than those who agree. I’ve learned more about loyalty from those who have betrayed me than those who have been loyal friends. I’ve learned more about prosperity from my times of poverty than in times of abundance. It always seem’s that when I reach the end of me is when I usually find Him.

Paul again would challenge us that in our weakness He is made strong. You will never find weakness without crisis. Crisis is the key ingredient to faith. Hebrews says that we can’t please God without faith and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. That is why God will always take us to the place we ask the question…Where are You? Simply for this reason; that those who keep holding on will find Him in such a way, that there can be no doubt who will get the glory for your miracle.

The key is opening our eyes to see past the despair or turmoil of the moment. The Bible tells us to look up. I’m not sure if that is simply a physical position but it does imply that when our eyes are downcast we may miss what is right in front of us. If not the miracle we need then the strength to stay strong and in the fight another day.

About an hour after my wife sent me her cry of distress I received another text and this one said simply “I found Him!” She told me later that she had gone to awaken our youngest for school. She was down, discouraged, and feeling very broken when she entered to wake him. He climbed down from his bed and came into the room where she was and began to talk to her. For the next few minutes God used my 11-year-old son in ways he may never know. He began to tell his mother in the language of a young boy how thankful he was for her. For all of her sacrifices. For her great love for him. For how she cared for him and how he was committing to try and make her proud of him that day. 

11-year-old boys don’t talk like that unless they’ve been sent on a mission from God to answer someone’s cry…where are you God? My wife told me later that as she reflected on the beauty of that moment God spoke these words into our heart. I am just as much here in the bad things you are facing as I am in the strength you just received from your son’s love. It was the answer she was looking for. She had found God and He was right where He always was…right beside her.

           For several months I have tried to write this article. I’ve started and stopped. I’ve tried different titles only to end up with the same results. Nothing.  Finally a few weeks back I stopped trying and hoped someday I’d be able to finish.

It wasn’t as though there was suddenly nothing to write about. There are a thousand topics all waiting for discussion. Important problems to be tackled and deep spiritual truths to uncover, but none of them could break the shadow that has held me quiet…my mom died.

I know intellectually that I am not the only person to have experienced the loss of a loved one, yet even though my mind knows better, I can’t tell you how lonely it feels in my heart. Some days I feel like the only person on earth who has ever felt this sorrow.  Grief is a road that even though you have people who love you in your life, in the end, you have to process it alone…my mom died.

The hardest part of losing my mom is that I don’t feel as safe in life as I used to.  Over the last few months I’ve hit some rough patches and I just wanted to go and talk to her only to be reminded that’s not going to happen again.  My mom couldn’t fix my life as I got older and my problems more complex, but she always made me feel like things would work out. My mother had that special gift to believe in me even when I had so many doubts about myself…my mom is gone.

My purpose today is not to write a sad song. I do believe that I’ve gained a perspective that I have to grab on to.  It has been said that it’s better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.  Those words seem easy to agree with but they are so much deeper.  Love comes at a steep price.

So many of us try very hard to insulate our hearts from pain. We keep relationships superficial. We never allow anyone to know our heart or to get too close to the truth of who we are.  Even though we pledge our hearts in marriage and have children the losses in life can keep us locked in emotional bondage, always expecting the worst and keeping everything at arm’s length in hope that nothing bad will happen to our heart.

I’ve been with my wife for over 20 years now. If God wills it the day is going to come where one of us will experience the agony of saying goodbye. The thought never really entered my mind until mom died and I’ve watched my dad have to confront his new reality.  A part of me wants to scream please God don’t ever let me feel loss!  It’s too much.   I can’t handle it.  But unfortunately its part of life’s journey.

The wonder that I’ve discovered in the past few weeks is this. You never will feel the depth of loss for someone who you haven’t lived life fully with.  If my wife went to be with the Lord before me I would be devastated, but it would not be because we didn’t live a big life. It would be because I have never had a friend like her or someone I wanted to share my adventure with.  It would be because I dared to open my heart to the great possibilities of our relationship and lived them every day.

We feel the pain of loss because we have been blessed of God to have had the privilege of experiencing love. Love fills our heart and lives like nothing can.  It’s the great mystery that connects mankind to Divinity.  It is life’s greatest gift.  You will never feel loss for things you don’t know.

The hole in my heart doesn’t go away.  I’m not one of those people who wishes for one more hour with my mom.  I couldn’t bear having to say goodbye again.  I don’t like to go to her grave and talk to her.  It just reminds me of what I can’t do ever again.

In spite of my very raw emotions the one thing I am blessed to say is that I loved someone so deeply that it hurts every day they aren’t with me.  We experienced so much life together that something will never be quite the same in my life again.  To me that is the start of healing.  To actually know what it means to have loved and lost.

She’s the one. She’s the only one. There won’t be another. She’s it. I won…I found her. There won’t ever be another person who will ever have this place in me. She’s the one. She is the only person who has ever deserved the words…she is the only one to ever hear them. They sound so simple but the truth is that they are deeper than a lifetime will ever allow me to explore. What are they you ask? It’s the words…I love you.

Sometime during my high school years I made a decision. After hearing so many of my classmates casually throw the phrase “I love you” around, I decided I was going to try and do something different. I couldn’t understand how someone could profess undying love to someone,  yet by time lunch rolled around there was already trouble in paradise, and by school’s end the love affair was over. It seemed to me that telling someone you loved them had to mean something more. There had to be more to love than mutual attraction.

With my theory in hand I made a decision. I would never say the words I love you to someone until I really meant them. I love you was not going to be a relational catch phrase to me. It was going to have depth or I didn’t want anything to do with it.

I image that some of you might think me naive to have made such a stand. Maybe it was. I was young and didn’t have a lot of experience with girls, but I knew something deep in my heart; I wanted to find out what love was and I wanted to know what it meant to really love someone.

The journey to finding the answers to my questions would require writing a book, but let me leave it at this… a few days from now I will celebrate a very important day in my life. March 13^th will mark the day that I stood in front of friends and family and pledged my life to the girl who would become my wife.

Those twenty years have been the most important years of my life. They are the years I grew up and became a man. I found out what it took to keep a job even if I didn’t like it. I found out that parenting is not a science but a constant changing experience that I would never want to do alone. I found out that life can really throw you some curveballs. Most of all I found out how glad I was to have found a partner to live out my adventure with me. The only girl I have ever spoken the words “I love you” to I married.

Speaking the words has only been half the story. The other half has been finding someone who would receive those words and return them. These past twenty years I have been blessed to have this incredible woman stand beside me. She has watched me grow older, she has watched me make mistakes, she has watched me laugh and cry and in all of it she has showed me over and over why I was right to hold my “I love you” for the right person.

Love is not a cheap emotion. No matter how much the world around us drags love down to some cheap feeling. When you find the real thing you understand how precious it is. How can a man put into words what it means to have someone love them after they really get to know them and they don’t have to love them, yet still do?

 Love is a bond that is found in your soul. It is the force that God created the universe from. It is the air that you breathe when life gets complicated. It is the feeling you get when you kiss your wife goodnight knowing she will be beside you until the morning brings a new day. Love is about belonging. It’s about having your person. The one who gets you. The one who still laughs at your jokes. The one who looks in your face and doesn’t see the gray or wrinkles but sees something that so often you can’t even see in yourself.

I saved my “I love you” for one. She’s it! I found her. It’s been twenty years and I will always be so grateful that I waited to find the real thing.

Don’t settle. Don’t cheapen. Don’t give up.  Real love can be found.  I love you big baby…

          The story of blues guitar player Robert Johnson’s extraordinary encounter with the Devil at the crossroads of two country roads has for decades been the subject of folklore. Legend has it that the Devil made a deal with the guitarist that he would give him amazing talent that would make him famous in exchange for his soul. Young Robert Johnson is said to have taken the Devil’s offer. For those who believe in the legend, Robert Johnson’s short but tragic life can all be attributed to the decision he made at that crossroad.

            The idea of this crossroad has taken on mythological proportions. It has since been passed from generation to generation. I, for one, have had a curious fascination that such place may exist but can offer no proof of its existence. On the other hand I am a very firm believer that we always come to personal crossroad moments that have life-altering impact based on the choices we make. The crossroad is the defining place. The place where decisions are made and choices become memorials to lives lived and left behind.

            On a recent cold December night my family and I stumbled into a local café in our city. Our purpose was to have hot chocolate together and warm ourselves from skating in our outdoor ice rink. At the café a young folk man was performing on an acoustic guitar for the patrons that were in attendance. I have always felt drawn to performers and feel obligated to give them a moment of my time to show appreciation for their effort. On this night my family and I all sat down to listen to the young man play. For the next 45 minutes I sat as this young man with regret, sorrow and sometimes hope, expressed in music what I believe is the greatest crossroad we ever face…the decision to believe in a God who seems to choose silence over any other action.

            Song after song offered brief glimpses into the crisis in faith this young man was having through his life. A life in which he openly spoke of his personal journey to believe in one of life’s great mysteries; Is there a God and does HE really care what happens to me or not?

            May I confess to you something? I have always been intimidated by people who claim to have unshakeable faith. When I hear people make such affirmative confessions of their faith I tend to grow quiet because as much as I believe in God, I also struggle with very real doubts.

            I have been taught what to say when people question the existence of God. Like many the lessons on apologetics are ingrained in my Christian DNA. I know what the answers are supposed to be, but forgive me if sometimes they sound hollow in my own ears.  How do I answer the one who asks if God is so loving than why does He allow so much pain and suffering to happen when I’m still trying to find the answer to that myself?  How do I encourage people to have faith that He will take of their needs yet all the while my heart breaks at the poverty and hopelessness that I see surrounding the lives that I try to encourage?  It’s at that moment when you find yourself standing at the crossroads of faith. Will you chose to believe in spite of what your feelings are telling you?

            I will never be able to count the moments when my soul has felt so torn that I’ve cried out to the Lord in anger, hurt or frustration. Those lonely dark hours of the soul, when I’ve stood at the crossroads and the Devil has called out to me to stop fighting and stop trying to believe in a God who seems to prefer silence over any other action. Why He chooses a road that is so filled with doubt when faith is the essence of our belief is difficult to understand until we start to accept that it’s only in brokenness that we can ever truly enter the Kingdom of God.

            Over the past few months I have found a surprising source of strength in an unusual place, the diaries of Mother Teresa. What an affirmation of what faith really is to read how she was ready to leave the dirty, poverty-stricken streets of Calcutta after her first year in the city. She had gone with the fervency of a crusader, yet after a year she was broken and wondering why God had deserted her in such a Godforsaken city. We now know the rest of her story and we celebrate her life, but I wonder how many people along the way knew of the struggle in this great woman of faith who, when confronted with the crossroad, had to choose between the lonely road of greatness or the easier road of comfort? The kicker is that even if they had known they couldn’t help.  You see the crossroads is a place built for one. Only the one who has been called there can go.

            It is the crossroad moments of crisis in faith that will define us. It defines us by our perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds. It defines us by our ability to walk with grace under pressure. And most of all it defines us by our decision to choose to believe in the goodness of His plan despite the reality that our eyes tell us.

            Our battle will always be to believe and keep our hope when we can’t see an answer or way out. When change is not happening, when prayers seem unanswered and our troubles only deepen is so often the moment when the difference between success and failure hangs in the balance. So today if you find yourself in a crisis of faith may I suggest you’re not alone? As much as the voice of Satan is there telling you it’s okay to give up, God is also there to help you stand.

            Tick, tock, tick, tock….seconds. One of times smallest increments for measurement yet one that can have the most impact on the direction of one’s life. It is in the breath that separates each second that some of our most important decisions are made.

Tick tock…a person pulls the trigger of a gun. Not only ending the victim’s life but the life of the one who pulled the trigger. Tick tock … a word spoken in anger ends a business relationship that is poised to benefit both parties for years to come. Tick tock… the decision between exposure or a cover-up that destroys careers and tarnishes organizations forever. Tick tock… the decision to resist or give into a temptation that will redefine your life if exposed. Tick tock-sometimes it’s the lifetime lived between seconds that defines success and failure and what our reality will look like.

I have found myself meditating on the split second decisions of life lately. How can a man or woman who by all accounts is considered a decent person do something that in seconds can unravel a lifetime of good? We are all familiar with the truly evil people in this world but I choose to think they are the rarity and not the norm. That being said, why do we find ourselves so often reading about a tragedy and hearing the common refrain, “They always seemed so nice?”  Even worse are the moments that you look up from your own actions and in confusion wonder, “Oh God…why did I do that? How did I get here?”

The more I ponder this affliction of humanity, and I’m unsure what else to call it, I am   convinced that the decisions that we attribute to seconds of madness are never that simply explained. For every split second decision that brings destruction there has been a corresponding erosion of character that has been ongoing and has now finally borne fruit.

May I propose a question? When was the last time that you sat down to examine your life and examined your heart in such a clear and concise manner that the boundary lines of your convictions were etched so deeply into your conscience that crossing them would be near impossible?

We live in a world where moral convictions are seen as negotiable. The treasure of true love has been lost in celebrity marriages that last less time than it takes the courthouse to process their marriage certificates. Virginity is no longer something to treasure but something we so easily throw away. Wealthy people find new ways to steal from the poor. A politician who stands for their conviction is unelectable because they refuse to make a list of promises they know can never be kept. Even in the House of God where we would hope to find a difference there is no end to the evil being done and hidden behind the name of God.

Proverbs 6:10 - 11 (NKJV) ¹⁰ A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to sleep— ¹¹ So shall your poverty come on you like a prowler, And your need like an armed man.

I believe that the above passage may unlock an important clue. The fateful decisions made in seconds unfortunately start when we get lazy. A little sleep, a little folding of the hands can lead us into that most dangerous place, negotiating with our convictions. When we start to let down our guard and compromise what we know to be truth the road we are on is not only slippery but hazardous.

We are all under stress, be it financial, relational, maybe even physical. The list can go on and on. What parent after several years of raising a teenager hasn’t felt so emotionally exhausted that it takes a supreme effort to not give up and stop parenting?  How many unemployed people have hit such lows that they now contemplate thing that would have at one time seemed unthinkable. Explanations for failure can always be forthcoming but that still doesn’t negate the devastation left in their wake. Pressure by its very definition causes strain, anxiety and disillusionment but can I suggest today that we have to find a new level of strength to be the over comers that we have been called to be. God not only wants to see you survive but he wants to see you thrive in the life He has given you.

Pressure needs to become a warning sign that it is time to retrench your convictions. It is time to make sure there are no holes in the fences of our beliefs. When we make the decision to live within our boundaries there is a power that I believe God releases to live a life of conviction and victory. God can’t and won’t make you do what is right. The power of free will is so sacred that God will never bypass it no matter how much we pray or beg. Instead of praying for God to miraculously deliver us from temptation can we begin to ask Him, “Lord what step can I take today that will prevent me from a disaster someplace in my life when faced with a split second decision?”

Tick Tock…seconds are coming and going. We are all living within the breath of those seconds; decisions are being made that can determine what is to come. You are in a fight for your future! Don’t let those seconds be dictated by a life of wavering convictions. Dig deep my friend. Dig deep…we all have way too much to lose, but we also have everything to gain.

1 Corinthians 10:12 - 13 (TMSG) ¹²Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence. ¹³No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

             I recently finished reading Howard Schultz’s book Onward. It is a fascinating look inside the business of Starbucks. Schultz takes the reader through the troubling period in Starbuck’s history when he felt compelled to take back the CEO position of the company he founded many years after leaving that post. Starbucks unbeknownst to many outside observers went through a period where its survival was on the line. Mr. Schultz felt compelled to come back and fight for his company and Onward is the interesting look at that journey back from the edge. 

As Mr. Schultz started to analyze his company he found one major flaw in its structure. Along the way to becoming the biggest coffee shop in the world, they had forgotten that connection between people and a cup of coffee. The cup of coffee to many represented a time for human connection. They had grown so concerned with double-digit growth that they had started to embrace practices that were more focused on the bottom line than what had made them great. It was their place in the human race as a conduit for human interaction that had made them great. Unfortunately in life the pursuit of a success can also leave us lost and forgetting what has always made us special to God.  Our humanity.

            We live in a society that lauds excess. Success for many tends to be determined by the size of the house we live in, what kind of car we drive, or the brand of our clothes. We will spend endless hours chasing these things in the hope that along the way someone will notice and validate our existence by showing envy or at least acknowledging our achievements.

I am finding that the trap in judging my life by the size and quantity of my possessions is soul-stealing. 

            I find myself in another moment of introspection. As I move solidly in middle age am I still able to connect with my soul?  Do I still have contact with the part of my heart that knows my purpose for living?  Have I fallen into the trap of trying to just live a bigger life and neglected the part of me that makes me a good person whether I’m rich or poor?  Am I only able to judge my life a success because of possessions, or is there a measurable way that I can see value for my life by the good I’m leaving behind?

            These are not easy questions. Much as a company like Starbucks had to find its heart again, maybe today you also need to find yours. When was the last time you really looked at the life your building and honestly assessed its value to something besides your own personal gain?

            We have so little time in this life to leave a measurable impact.  History leaves us with many examples of impactful lives. The common thread is not riches or wealth but impact on humanity. There have been countless rich people throughout history who we will never remember but names such as Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and even modern names such as Bill and Melinda Gates will in history’s eye be remembered for their connection to mankind.

            Your circle of influence may never measure the size of any of these people but do not be deceived into missing your opportunity to make an impact.  Rarely in our world’s history has there been such the urgent need for compassion and kindness to rise up within us. Yes we come to the rescue of those when disasters hit on epic levels, but there are human tragedies being played out all around you if you will open your eyes.

            How many children would sleep easier if a parent hugged them today and told them how proud they were of them? I wonder how much the self-esteem of a wife would grow today if her husband would find something to compliment her about. Or maybe a husband would feel like a man if thanked for his efforts and not always criticized for his shortcomings. Maybe you could call your parents just to say hi or commit to be the friend that you yourself have always wished you had.

            It’s these connections with each other that are the true sign of a significant life.  All the things of the world will fade but the memories we hold of the people we have impacted last far past our lifetime. That is why we have to work so hard to make sure the impact is for good.

            Sometimes I get lost in my life. The pressures of living get intense. It’s during those moments that middle age has given me the insight to slow down for a moment and look inside myself and make sure I can still see a me that I’m not embarrassed for the world to know. 

What Mr. Schultz discovered as he dug into the reasons for Starbuck’s failings was that as Starbucks grew it lost its soul.  No matter how big something looks on the outside without its heart it is only a matter of time before cracks in the surface start to show.  It is a lesson that I believe is also vital to living a successful and abundant life. A big life is not about how immense your possessions become but how deep your relationships grow to be.

            It is hard for me to imagine that 10 years have already passed since the 9/11 tragedy happened. If you were old enough to remember that day, it was one of those beautiful September days that makes you forget snow is coming soon.  Kids had gone back to school just days before; baseball was winding down and football gearing up. It was just an ordinary day in America; until suddenly it wasn’t.

            Nineteen men committed to a cause that we still don’t understand turned planes that we use to travel across this country and to far flung destinations into weapons of warfare. We as a nation, which has always prided ourselves in our ability to fight and protect ourselves, were driven to our knees, not by a mighty army, but by a few committed men.  Ten years later and the reverberations from that horrible day are still causing destruction.

            Its masterminds had several intents.  Some were very visible such as the heartbreak over the loss of loved ones who never stood a chance, to damaging our financial system by undermining the world’s faith in America, and finally to create a cloud of fear that to this day we cannot shake.  Maybe the worst of the damage is that ten years later America has never been so divided.

            I am not naïve enough to believe that we had great unity before the attacks, but I would challenge anyone to show me that we were ever as divided as we are today.  Never have we lived in a time where so little is being accomplished while at the same time so much anger is spewing from those who claim to represent our best interests. We used to live in a country where statesmen walked the halls of Congress. Men and women who knew when to put ideology down for the betterment of or country and reach across the aisle to find agreement on our nation’s problems. Sadly, that seems to be just more tragic fallout from 9/11. We have become a house divided.

            There used to be a time when presidents where respected just because they were president. Over the last ten years I have heard people publicly call for the assassination of President Bush to throwing disgusting racial slurs at President Obama. I sometimes wonder if I’m still living in America or some place that has embraced anarchy with a vengeance. Division has unleashed a lack of civility in our country that I am afraid is driving us to a place of war. This time the enemy won’t be coming from the outside; the enemy we fight will be each other.

            Has there ever been a time for someone to stand up and sound the alarm that our cultural war is unwinnable?  America has always found strength in its diversity. Any time we have tried to homogenize the landscape we ended up weaker.  Whenever we have tried to legalize morality we have ended up with greater moral problems. Whenever we have forced our views down the throats of others without respect for differing views they have ended up becoming our enemies.

            Ten years from 9/11 I am afraid to say we are not a better country.  We are weaker and more vulnerable than ever.  The unity of purpose that held us together in those trying first few days is a distant memory. The brotherhood of unified suffering has drifted into camps whose only voice is anger at their fellow brothers. United we stand and divided we are falling.

            I have no answer. I am but a small voice in a big pond. My heart breaks at what we are becoming and I fear that we have yet to even see just how bad things can get.

Revelations 22:20

He which testifies these things said, surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Over the past year my daughter, a high school senior, has often used my laptop to complete writing assignments. I wasn’t surprised to open my laptop several weeks ago and find an essay she had written sitting on my desktop. What caught my attention was the title, “This I Believe.” The opportunity to have a brief view into my daughter’s thoughts had me read what she had written. Below is the article.

Victoria Farley
May 10, 2011
Writing Workshop

I believe that it’s important to respect those who deserve it. When I was younger, President Bill Clinton came to Syracuse. My dad wanted us to go when Air Force 1 came in, not to see the President, but to see the plane. My dad did not particularly like President Clinton so it was not a huge deal that he was coming here. When we went, we were all standing by watching as the President started to walk down the row of people shaking everyone’s hand. I did not think my dad would even look his way, but as he made his way to my dad, my dad stuck his hand out, looked at the President and said, “Welcome to Syracuse Mr. President”. I was shocked to see him do that because I knew how much he disliked the man. From that day on I knew that no matter how much I did not like a person, if they were in a position of authority over me, I would respect them. This is something I believe to be true for everyone. I think that it is so important for people to realize that even though you may not like a person, they still deserve the respect of someone you do like. People all over the country do not realize that this is something everyone should follow. They do not find it important to respect the President just because they may not like something he believes, but he is still the President and he deserves that respect. This is also true with people like our bosses or teachers. We may never agree with something that they believe or say, but because of the position of authority they hold above us, we need to respect them as people.

Ever since that day my father taught me that lesson, I have made it a point to treat all those who deserve it with respect. People who hold power over us should get respect because they have worked to get that power. I will always try and follow this idea my father taught me. I will pass it down as well because I believe that respect is very important.

I sat for awhile after reading her words. My daughter is just days from graduating high school. We are planning to send her off this fall to college. I have come to a knowledge that my time as being one of the influential voices in her development is coming to a close. Soon it will be college professors, authors, peers that she has yet to meet and the wide array of people who cross our paths that will be the ones that help develop her adult world view, yet for this one brief moment God gave me a chance to see my place in her life. It also led me to really consider the following passage of scripture.

1 Corinthians 4:14 - 16 (NKJV) ¹⁴I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you.¹⁵For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. ¹⁶Therefore I urge you, imitate me.

The essence of Paul’s words where this. There are so many people around you who are throwing hypothetical answers out on how to live a significant life but so few who actually are giving real answers by living lives worth being imitated. The vocal white noise of ten thousand instructors begs for the few who lead by example to stand up and be father’s to a generation of lost people trying to figure out how to navigate through lives they haven’t been equipped to live.

Fatherhood is not a biological condition but a spiritual one. If every man who donated DNA to a child were to actually father them what a changed world we would live in. I believe it is why Paul’s words should be a desperate prayer for us all. There is no historical evidence that Paul ever had children. In fact there is far more to support that he never did, yet how was he able to write about being a father? It was because he knew how to lead by example.

My life is bookmarked by three major events. First my conversion to Christ, second meeting, falling in love, and marrying the girl of my dreams and third the day I became a father. I can’t claim anything close to perfection in any one of these three momentous events, yet I am so thankful that God continues to show me moments when I am someone who can be followed. To that I thank all of those who have allowed me to follow them on their journey of discovery.

I title this article “Rear-view Mirror.” The title was birthed by an image I had of my daughter a few days ago. I dropped her off at school in the morning and as I drove away I looked into my rearview mirror and saw my daughter walking away from me. The force of the image was heartbreaking because in so many ways that is our next segment of life. She is getting ready to leave. I keep asking myself, “Have I equipped her enough for what comes next?” Maybe my answers are found in a young woman’s words on what she believes in and seeing the imprint of a father who is still trying to be someone who can be imitated. For a moment I can close my eyes and know that sometimes I’ve gotten it right and that some of the marks I’ve left on my child are ones which will make her worth being imitated.

             During a recent visit to my wife’s family I had the pleasure of taking in a bit of Americana, a small town Memorial Day Parade. We sat on the street curb with hundreds of other residents of the small town as the pageantry passed us by. Marching bands, old cars, firemen and beaming children marched down the middle of the road taking time to wave and acknowledge the people who had come out to celebrate with them.

            About half way through the parade, a group of elderly men were driven past my family. On the side of their cars was this sign, “World War 2 veterans”. That in itself was not all that unusual. It was a Memorial Day parade after all. What was shocking to me was the emotional response that both my wife and eye had as these brave men passed us. We both choked up and found ourselves teary-eyed.

            This sudden rush of thoughts began to fill my mind. I remember stories my dad told me of an Uncle I never met. Stories of how he was with the troops that liberated several concentration camps and stories of the man that returned from war. A man who would stay up late into the night weeping on his mother’s lap as she tried to drive the horror that had been imprinted on his soul. My father has told me his brother never really made it home.

            Tom Brokaw called them the greatest generation. They fought what many will say is the last war where moral ambiguity was never questioned. There was a very real evil and it had to be eliminated so that the world could be made safe. So as the cars with these elderly vets passed by, something just clicked. If it weren’t for men like these, perhaps my family wouldn’t be sitting on the street on a beautiful Monday enjoying a parade.

            I began to see something that morning I will never forget. Behind those brave men came group after group: Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Civil Air Patrol, Firemen, and soldiers from many other conflicts that we as a nation have fought in. This incredible thought hit me. This is why America is great. We celebrate sacrifice.

            To sacrifice has been a part of this nation since the first settlers crossed hazardous oceans to come to start lives in a land where they had no idea what awaited them. We sacrifice our time to coach sports teams for kids and lead scout troops. We sacrifice our money when disasters happen and our families sometimes sacrifice us as we rush to be on the ground to help. We sacrifice our fathers, mothers, sons and daughters in distant lands fighting so our world can be just a little bit safer. We sacrifice sleep working multiple jobs so that our children can know security or maybe the hope of a better future as they pursue the first college degree in a family.

            We know sacrifice. I’m not saying that our country is alone in this. Many others have some of the same struggles. I think what makes us unique is how we celebrate the sacrifice. Because we are a nation that honors those who have given, the cycle of sacrifice is passed from generation to generation. To honor those around us who take on extra burdens so that someone else’s load is a little lighter is, in my opinion, the sign of a society that still has more to give.

            I have heard the drum beat of how bad America is. I’m not ignorant of its faults and America does have many problems, but it also has a soul that keeps me hopeful that God’s hand is still with us. In the void created by all the horrible things that happen in this country still beats the heart of giving people.

            We are hurting right now as a nation. Unemployment is still high. People are still losing their homes. The gap between those who have and those who have not is larger than ever but I still have hope. We are a nation of heroes. So many will never be known because their sacrifices happen off the screen of a television or away from the pages of a newspaper but never mistake - they are heroes.

It’s this inner character of America that I found myself examining on that street curb Memorial Day. This strength allows us to be collectively larger than any of our individual parts. To reach across the boundaries of race, ethnicity or gender to help others is an amazing gift God has put in us. 

I ask you to consider today the many who sacrifice for you. We are not islands. We are connected as sons and daughters of Adam. Find someone who has sacrificed for you and celebrate them. When we honor our heroes we give the greatest reward for the sacrifice….our gratitude.